i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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