I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we're making bets on your personal life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
