can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
