i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
