I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
