then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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