to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
