I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
