We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
