Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
