would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
