So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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