just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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