is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
