remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
