If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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