last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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