I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
