i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
