I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
