You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
