My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
