Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
