quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
