she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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