We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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