dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
