? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
