I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
