I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
