I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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