my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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