Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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