apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
