I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bring me that man meat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
