the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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