i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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