The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
