She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
