I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
