He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
