wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
