I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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