Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had sex on a roof
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
