At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
