if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
