Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
