her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
