Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
