At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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