It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
