was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
