remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
