Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
