Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
