my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
